Two years later and....I still don't know what to think of you. You're a big reason why I bothered to change. Maybe not one of the people who motivated me to, but a motivator in a way. And. I just don't know what to say now that we're at the end of everything. Like we've pretty much said all we can to each other at this point as far as I can tell.
I still stand by it, too. You were right. I was wrong. I guess that's one of the real big things I took away from this.
I wish I had been a better friend to you. Like I had done what I could to help, but I don't think I really helped that much. Like helping doesn't come naturally to me or any of that crap. But it kind of...pissed me off to see how down you were on yourself. Like I wanted to say sad but it didn't really. It just made me angry to keep hearing you think you were some irredeemable piece of garbage for who knows what reason.
Dunno where you are now, but I guess I hope things are going better.
If there's anyone I really respect, or look at as a hero, it's you. I guess a lot of people probably see the bad in you but. I dunno. I kinda consider myself an expert on seeing the bad in people and I can't do anything but see the good in you. I dunno where things'll go for here but. I believe in you. Even if we don't meet again, I'll still believe in you.
It's been almost two years since you've been gone and every day I still wish you were here. I think I just want to know if we would have remained friends in the end, or what, since you were one of the first I had here. You'd probably make fun of me for saying I miss you but. I miss you.
To say I'm a proud creature, as so many paint me as and declare it a sin, would not be a lie. Pride, I feel, is an important part of any creature. An existence without pride in themselves, and themselves alone, is an existence lacking a very necessary part of itself. Pride should be reserved for oneself, and one's actions. One's beliefs.
And yet, I cannot help but be proud of you. Perhaps this is still in line with my usual belief but I've come to find the pride I have in you extends beyond the fact that I might claim responsibility for much of who you are. For all my interference, all the actions you took were your own, and always your own.
How might I even describe you? You, who stood before His very countenance and struck it low? Even I was incapable of that, as I was meant to be by design. And as you were meant to be by design.
And yet it was you who broke free of your design so greatly that you performed not only the impossible, but a miracle.
You truly are a Messiah, not in His sense but in a far truer one.
Your practicality and logic are admirable. And more flexible and workable than the stagnation and complete adherence to rigidity that some forms of logic demand. You're clever.
I believe we might work together further as time goes by.
Despite all you have accomplished, you are still young. Understand that I do not mean to mentor you, to show you a path to take. I might give suggestions, but I do not directly lead. Rather, I simply wish to challenge the way you perceive helping them. How you perceive them in general.
I fear, that given time, you might fall into His way's with your outlook without even knowing it.
It is rare that I have gotten to speak with one from your world, although a fraction of me resides within you. And like so many of those who can bring me forth, I cannot help but feel perhaps not fondness, but a certain respect for you.
You've gone through great hardships with your comrades before in seeking truth. I do not doubt you will find truth here, if you look enough.
For all our similarities, despite the fact that we desire the same goal, I cannot help but be disappointed in you. I question your sincerity in your hatred, wonder sometimes if it's all a ruse and that you simply wish for your brother to fall even further in His eyes than you so that, by default, you might by the favored again. And sometimes your pessimism angers even me.
In the end, I suppose it does not matter. You will go your way and I will go mine and it is unlikely our ways shall intersect all too often.
You feel familiar. I can't describe it. But even if your face and your voice are not familiar to me, I feel as if I know you still.
It is not a pleasant familiarity. And I will not abide it much longer. Soon, I will know why, no matter what I might need to do to discover the reason for these nagging feelings.
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branchandroot
Pokey Minch (Mayfield)
Date: 2012-10-29 05:03 am (UTC)1
Date: 2012-10-29 05:05 am (UTC)I still stand by it, too. You were right. I was wrong. I guess that's one of the real big things I took away from this.
2
Date: 2012-10-29 05:07 am (UTC)Dunno where you are now, but I guess I hope things are going better.
3
Date: 2012-10-29 05:08 am (UTC)But I still hate you. Droning couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
4
Date: 2012-10-29 05:09 am (UTC)I still don't believe that. And I still feel like I must have done something wrong for what happened.
It's alright. I know that you had to have had a good reason for it in the end.
5
Date: 2012-10-29 05:11 am (UTC)You're one of the people I'm going to miss most of all. And I don't even know how to say it.
Thanks. For showing me what friendship is.
6
Date: 2012-10-29 05:12 am (UTC)I love you.
7
Date: 2012-10-29 05:13 am (UTC)But I've just gotta make sure you don't be too much of a wuss. That's why I'm so hard on you.
8
Date: 2012-10-29 05:14 am (UTC)9
Date: 2012-10-29 05:15 am (UTC)I failed you, in the end. I'm sorry.
10
Date: 2012-10-29 05:16 am (UTC)Lucifer (Tower of Animus)
Date: 2012-10-29 05:18 am (UTC)1
Date: 2012-10-29 05:19 am (UTC)I hate my father and kin. We'll see if this shall transfer to you as well.
2
Date: 2012-10-29 05:22 am (UTC)And yet, I cannot help but be proud of you. Perhaps this is still in line with my usual belief but I've come to find the pride I have in you extends beyond the fact that I might claim responsibility for much of who you are. For all my interference, all the actions you took were your own, and always your own.
I am proud of you.
3
Date: 2012-10-29 05:24 am (UTC)And yet it was you who broke free of your design so greatly that you performed not only the impossible, but a miracle.
You truly are a Messiah, not in His sense but in a far truer one.
4
Date: 2012-10-29 05:25 am (UTC)I hope I might make your acquaintance further during our stay in this Tower.
5
Date: 2012-10-29 05:27 am (UTC)I believe we might work together further as time goes by.
6
Date: 2012-10-29 05:28 am (UTC)I fear, that given time, you might fall into His way's with your outlook without even knowing it.
7
Date: 2012-10-29 05:30 am (UTC)You've gone through great hardships with your comrades before in seeking truth. I do not doubt you will find truth here, if you look enough.
8
Date: 2012-10-29 05:31 am (UTC)In the end, I suppose it does not matter. You will go your way and I will go mine and it is unlikely our ways shall intersect all too often.
9
Date: 2012-10-29 05:33 am (UTC)It is not a pleasant familiarity. And I will not abide it much longer. Soon, I will know why, no matter what I might need to do to discover the reason for these nagging feelings.
10
Date: 2012-10-29 05:34 am (UTC)But I have returned, and you have remained where you are to rot.
That is the difference between us, as it always was and will be.
Answer Key
Date: 2012-10-29 05:43 am (UTC)1. Lucas
2. Karkat
3. Black Mage
4. Kyrie
5. Lil Slugger
6. Numbah 86
7. Picky
8. Mindy
9. Feferi
10. Tak
Lucifer:
1. Wilhelm
2. Naoki/Demi-Fiend
3. Aleph
4. Lambdadelta
5. Jin
6. Alcor
7. Yu
8. Naoya
9. Enoch
10. Nyarlathotep